Wednesday, March 29, 2006

My Life as a Leopard

(with apologies to Lasse Hallström)

As Cat in Rabat awoke one morning from uneasy dreams she found herself transformed in her bed into a small-to-medium-sized leopard. Okay, apologies to Franz Kafka as well .... but, yes, the cat is now a leopard. I have spots. Many of them. They are red and bumpish-lumpish and are all over my back & upper arms. They look like insect bites but are not. Some are itchy, some are not. A reaction to something - but what? Truth be told, the fun-in-the-sun romp in the dunes was less than fab, but I reject any suggestions of post-traumatic stress disorder. I spent much of the time pissed off, not shell-shocked. Rage gives me wrinkles, not spots.

So, I decide to go to the doctor - which for anyone who knows me will attest that this, in itself, is nothing short of a miracle because I hate going to doctors. I thank my parents for this personality quirk: my brother & I had to have an eyeball hanging out of a socket by a muscousy sinew before we could trouble him. But I bump into a pharmicist I know en route to the doctor's, and he comments on my pretty 3-D spots and suggests what medication I should buy. At this point, my spots have migrated to my forearms and hands, and I make a mental note to change into long sleeves. I accept his advice.

scratch-scratch

I ask him what may have caused my metamorphosis. He believes that it's something that I have eaten - probably a reaction to oil from a tin. This is apparently common in Morocco. Have you eaten sardines? he asks. Nope, I'm a vegetarian, I say rather too smugly. The only thing that I have eaten which I did not prepare myself was an order of spring rolls from the "Chinese" restaurant down the street. When I asked, they assured me that they were 100% vegetarian. My pharmacist friend laughs, Vegetarian spring rolls! Ha! Ha! ho! Ho! Hee! Hee! I am annoyed and confess that they tasted awful (like fish oil?) and that I couldn't even finish them. They are still in my fridge and once I don a HAZmat suit, will remove them from my premises.

scratch-scratch

This is what I don't like about Morocco: shellfish and fish are considered vegetarian. Where I come from, if a central nervous system has replaced a root somewhere in a lifeform's evolution, it's probably not vegetarian.

But, this is what I like about Morocco: I don't have to go to a doctor or have a prescription to buy medication. I have saved 100 dirhams (for the doctor's visit) and 45 minutes of my time, and I now own some questionable pills that may or may not heal me. I may develop chest hair, grow an extra nipple, or be dead in 3 days but it was cheap.

scratch-scratch

Will Cat in Rabat-cum-Leopard change her spots? We shall see.

scratch-scratch

10 Comments:

Blogger knarf said...

Dr. Downey wouldn't have mocked you...

Hope that time heals your spots - we all await word on your progress with baited breath.

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Cath said...

If they start to weep, then you'll See Spot Run.

That said, it could be viral. Michael had something similar a few years back. It ran it's course. Can you get oatmeal bath in Rabat? It helps with the itching. Then sing yourself a few choruses of Baby Beluga, and you'll be asleep in no time.

7:57 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Knarf: Dr Downie would have given me antibiotics but his mean nurse would have glared at me.

Cath: Oatmeal bath? Bwahahahahahaha!
I haven't found oatmeal to eat yet!

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Liosliath said...

There's oatmeal over at the supermarket on Rue Oqba...should I mention that I only ate a few bites of that most definitely NOT Chinese food, and I've been sick ever since? (stomach problems, weird exhaustion, etc...)

9:20 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Oh Liosliath! I hope you're not saying that just to make me feel good (scratch scratch!)

9:24 PM  
Anonymous Liosliath said...

Ha ha, no. Right now I'm sitting in my jammies at the laptop, having spent most of the day in bed...

You could make your own colloidal bath if you grind up the oatmeal in a blender! Or just stick some in a cut off pair of hose (I know, I know, I don't own any hose either!) and use it like a big bath teabag.

9:32 PM  
Blogger woman wandering said...

Lordy lordy, suddenly the antibiotics that are making me feel so much sicker than when I just had the tooth abcess, don't seem quite so bad.

I guess calamine lotion is out of the question over there? Going now before I write any more foolish stuff.

Get well soon :)

7:14 AM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

First morning after taking meds and no new spots. This is a good sign, no? - or am I just desperate?

10:01 AM  
Anonymous Winston said...

Sometimes its okay to scratch! But not too much!

2:48 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Hmmmm Winston - don't think I want to know what you scratch!

3:08 PM  

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