Monday, May 15, 2006

What Will I Be in My Next Life for $400, Alex?

Because my life hasn't turned out as wünderbar as I (and Canada Student Loan) would have hoped, I can now look forward to my next incarnation as a zebra! Apparently only 23% of the world will be reincarnated as a higher being than me, which suggests (rather inaccurately I would add) that I'm an awfully nice person. Firmly ensconced within the upper 25% percentile of humanity (placing me on terra firma with "the quality"), I have to wonder a) what animals are above me, and b) why has the zebra placed so high? Was the Buddha familiar with zebras? When a zebra dies, what does it come back as?

Zebras have always seemed rather innocuous to me (in spite of their Ab Fab coats), just something there, munching grass, waiting to be pounced upon by a lion or carted off to a zoo. They don't seem to be equipped with dizzying intelligence or physical prowess, and as for that so-called clever camouflage? - many zoologists think that the stripes act as a determiner of their role in social interactions. And truth be told, I never thought of myself as a herd animal; nonetheless, I'm grateful for the knowledge that I'll not be waking up in my next incarnation like Gregor Samsa.

Furthermore, in order to secure my reward as Zebra in Zagreb, I have been admonished to "remain honourable." If I play my karmic cards right, perhaps I'll come back as a Grevy's zebra: they're the ones with the "erect mane" (I just wanted to type "erect") because that would make me feel a little edgy - but being an endangered species would probably suck. Well, as long as my new stripes don't clash with my hijab, I'll be happy ...

I would like to add that Mr. Cat in Rabat will be returning as a wolf, so I suspect our conjugal relationship expires with this present incarnation. Sorry sweetheart ~ it's been swell.

And you? What will you be in your next incarnation?

p.s. Thanks to Knarf (future bear) for sending me this link.

15 Comments:

Blogger ByronB said...

What? What??? A SKUNK ??????
How reliable is this thing?

8:55 AM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! How did you get a skunk? Did you laugh at the retarded kids?

10:16 AM  
Blogger knarf said...

Fuck.

How'd you ever get to be a zebra? A ~true zebra~ would know that they're "developmentally delayed non-elders". Or, "special kids".

You must have lied to get to be a zebra.

-knarf the bear, who at least was honest

12:11 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Listen Soon-to-be-a-Bear: I did not lie! I believe that the test used the word "retarded". As a immiment herd animal, I just followed suit by repeating it! You're just jealous because you'll probably end up as a bear in China where you'll be kept in a tiny cage with a catheter stuck in your bile duct 24 hours a day.

12:49 PM  
Anonymous chrisso said...

You know there are nice wolfs out there. Mind you, I agree with bryronb, I'm not sure of the accuracy of this test. Sure I answered "Fries are up!" to the one question but does that make me a wolf? I will try and act more dog (maybe a golden lab?) like than and a wolf. Maybe Cat in Rabat will find it in her zebra heart to allow me back into the Serengeti?? XOXO

12:57 PM  
Anonymous chrisso said...

And apparently wolves can't pluralize. W O L V E S not W O L F S.

1:02 PM  
Blogger knarf said...

C in R,

If you were truly a zebra, you'd have known that The Test was only being ironic when they used the term "retarded". If they were being serious, then they were wrong, and that hardly gives you license to use this morally repugnant term.

You spazzzzzzz!!!

:-)

Once a bear, always a bear, I guess...

3:01 PM  
Blogger knarf said...

Chrisso,

Pluralizing wolves in the way you did has nothing to do with the fact that you're a (future) wolf. It's due to cheering for a certain hockey team.

That is, if you count the Toronto Maple Leafs [sic] as a real hockey team...

LOL!

5:04 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Knarf:
Your comment to Chrisso, namely:
"Pluralizing wolves in the way you did has nothing to do with the fact that you're a (future) wolf. It's due to cheering for a certain hockey team"
... made this cat-cum-zebra pee herself.
Too freaking funny!!!

8:14 PM  
Blogger knarf said...

What can I say?

It's what I do...

8:49 PM  
Anonymous chrisso said...

Notice how I didn't mock the Habs when they were eliminated in the first round? I think That's unwolf like.

10:18 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Props to the wolf.

10:22 PM  
Blogger knarf said...

Chrisso,

Perhaps you didn't mock because you knew that the only reason the Greatest Team in the History of Sport lost is that their captain and inspirational leader nearly had his eye taken out and missed the last 3 1/2 games of the series. Perhaps you knew that Carolina won two of their games in OT and of their 4 wins, 3 were by one goal. I'm not saying that Carolina wasn't the better team, but it was a very close series.

Then Carolina goes and ~easily~ beats one of the best teams in hockey in 5 games in the next series.

Montreal has nothing to hang their heads about.

Props to you, indeed, oh non-mocking wolf...

;-)

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Liosliath said...

I'm going to be a parrot. I kind of look forward to that, actually - as long as I can be a wild parrot, that is.

9:55 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Yes, try to be a wild parrot. Cages suck.

7:24 PM  

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