What Will I Be in My Next Life for $400, Alex?

Because my life hasn't turned out as wünderbar as I (and Canada Student Loan) would have hoped, I can now look forward to my next incarnation as a zebra! Apparently only 23% of the world will be reincarnated as a higher being than me, which suggests (rather inaccurately I would add) that I'm an awfully nice person. Firmly ensconced within the upper 25% percentile of humanity (placing me on terra firma with "the quality"), I have to wonder a) what animals are above me, and b) why has the zebra placed so high? Was the Buddha familiar with zebras? When a zebra dies, what does it come back as?

Zebras have always seemed rather innocuous to me (in spite of their Ab Fab coats), just something there, munching grass, waiting to be pounced upon by a lion or carted off to a zoo. They don't seem to be equipped with dizzying intelligence or physical prowess, and as for that so-called clever camouflage? - many zoologists think that the stripes act as a determiner of their role in social interactions. And truth be told, I never thought of myself as a herd animal; nonetheless, I'm grateful for the knowledge that I'll not be waking up in my next incarnation like Gregor Samsa.

Furthermore, in order to secure my reward as Zebra in Zagreb, I have been admonished to "remain honourable." If I play my karmic cards right, perhaps I'll come back as a Grevy's zebra: they're the ones with the "erect mane" (I just wanted to type "erect") because that would make me feel a little edgy - but being an endangered species would probably suck. Well, as long as my new stripes don't clash with my hijab, I'll be happy ...

I would like to add that Mr. Cat in Rabat will be returning as a wolf, so I suspect our conjugal relationship expires with this present incarnation. Sorry sweetheart ~ it's been swell.

And you? What will you be in your next incarnation?

p.s. Thanks to Knarf (future bear) for sending me this link.