Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The Doomesday Book (the 2006 Moroccan Edition)

(or gnarly wave dude ...)

Well, this just in ...

"... a Tsunami could hit the Atlantic Ocean after the fall of fragments of a comet that would pass close to earth on May 25, MAP news agency reported." This tsunami "would affect several countries, including Morocco."

On first glance, I confess that I raised my eyebrows at this. After all, one doesn't take chances after Boxing Day 2004 and tomorrow is the 25th of May! This mother of all tsunamis will be ..."brought about by the impact of a comet fragment which will provoke the eruption of under-sea volcanoes."

What to do, what to do? With about 700 dirhams to my name until payday, negating the possibility of flying anywhere except Marrakech, I'm thinking that I should just sit this one out, dispense my worldly belongings, and hum a few bars of Peter Gabriel's Here Comes the Flood (any of the 5 versions that he's recorded - Chrisso will correct me if I've miscounted). Truth is that I still haven't made out a will, so feel free to e-mail me (cat_in_rabat' with any requests. Note: my estate is rather pathetic & crappy. My jewellery is accounted for (Heather has been monitoring my health for years with a magpie's eye on my earrings) and there's still my camel collection - the largest private collection, I believe, in Eastern Canada. And of course Donna, my stuffed Phentex wool donkey? - she's a bit long in the tooth but very huggable.

This mother of all tsunamis will be ..."brought about by the impact of a comet fragment which will provoke the eruption of under-sea volcanoes." Oh, but wait! - it's been pooh poohed ...

"This denial [made on Monday by the The Moroccan Meteorological office] comes after the Ufological Research Center warned on its website of a Tsunami danger that would affect several countries, including Morocco. Eric Julien, author of La Science Des Extraterrestres made an alert in his website about Tsunami."

The Ufological Research Center? Ufo - logical?!! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!! Apparently, M. Julien "claims that he has received information psychically". And for a moment I actually thought that Morocco was in possession of the world's most advanced tsunami detection system. I had no idea that numbered among the world's most imminent metereological prognosticators, was Marvin the Martian. Well, in keeping with my Looney Tunes theme, to quote Bugs Bunny, it is to laugh.

But perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to ridicule dismiss the possibility of Other Worldly sources for the big curl. After the 2004 tsunami, the newspaper of Morocco's Islamic party, PJD, stated that the disaster showed God's displeasure with South-East Asia's sex tourism industry. It was, they said, "an act of divine retribution". Ouch! In Rabat alone, some 5,000 people demonstrated in support of the newspaper. The little green men may be equally capricious in meting out natural disasters as Allah, but hopefully they're less vindictive.

This morning I heard that in spite of broadcasts categorically denying any factual basis to this news release, there are some gullible souls who passed a sleepless night last evening in anticipation of the Big One. It's the War of the Worlds all over again but instead of Orson Welles, we have Erich von Daniken.

Dude, I bet the surfers at Essaouria are bummed. The camels, who ply the beach there, are no doubt relieved.

Addendum: and yes, I know that the Doomesday Book had nothing to do with catastrophic events but I couldn't think of another title, so no need to correct me.


Blogger knarf said...

I'd like Donna the Phentex Donkey. I'll take good care of her, and won't punch in her face, and I'll feed her and hug her and treat her real nice.

Do you have any Revereware? If you do, I'll take that, too.

Chrisso can have the rest...

Oh yeah, very funny story, but don't be dissing ufologists. Soon you'll be floating out your window each night, waking up the next morning to unexplained abdominal scars and anal pain. Then who'll be laughing, eh?

4:19 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

I'll have to think about Donna the Phentex Donkey. It's not that I don't trust you but I have irreparable psychological scars from a childhood of watching you scrunch up her face so she looked decidely Asian.

You can have the Revereware. I don't believe Chrisso cooks anyway.

I have been experiencing unexplained abdominal scars and anal pain recently but I dismissed that as a bad batch of lentils.

4:32 p.m.  
Blogger knarf said...


Seriously (and I am being serious here), my days of torturing poor Donna are over. I really would take good care of her. She's now a senior citizen in Phentex Donkey Years, and besides, I feel I have amends to make for my past treatment of her.

"My husband, some hotshot".

5:04 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

I don't know ... I think I have trust issues.

5:07 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

By the way, assuming that I am not destroyed in a vast wall of water tomorrow (still humming Peter Gabriel ...), Donna will be joining me when Chrisso comes. She can frolick (inasmuch as a senior Phentex donkey can frolick) with the other humars here. Or maybe not - that just may depress her all to hell.

5:08 p.m.  
Blogger knarf said...

Just make sure she's not around on that sheep-killing holiday. I'd hate to think that someone there might mistake her for a cloven-hoofed beast.

I don't blame you for having misgivings about leaving Donna with me. I was certainly donk-abusive in the past, and I have no one but myself to blame if my behaviour has caused you to lack in trust.

I made my bed, now I must sleep in it...

5:41 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Lucky for you, Donna has a forgiving nature. Donks are like that. Besides, I will have been swept away into the Atlantic.

5:54 p.m.  
Blogger knarf said...

Do you really think Donna could find it in her heart to forgive me?

I weep at the thought. I am verklempt.

6:03 p.m.  
Anonymous Liosliath said...

I want Donna Donkey. Is she made out of yarn?

My husband made the grave error of tossing Mr. Bear one night. He awoke at 1 am to find, amazingly enough, that the bear was punching him in the kidneys. Détente between man and bear now.

7:01 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Donna is indeed made out of Phentex yarn. She used to have a hat & saddle but - alas - they are no more. I suspect that Knarf threw them away.

Mr. Bear rocks. I hope your husband wasn't injured too badly!

8:26 p.m.  
Blogger knarf said...

Donna is made of Phentex, a man-made yarn that feels about as natural as a plastic pot-scrubber. Now that I think of it, they're probably made of the same material.

But her worth is far greater than what she's made of. She's been loved. Read the Velveteen Rabbit for further details.

8:44 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

*sniff* I love Donna.

9:44 p.m.  
Anonymous Grey Bear said...

I love Donna too!

Way to go Mr. Bear!!

9:48 p.m.  
Anonymous Osama said...

Please to send me Donna the Semtex Donkey. I will ensure she finds paradise. A thousand thanks.
PO Box 666

8:56 a.m.  
Blogger knarf said...

Great. You realize, C in R, that the CIA will now be monitoring your blog (if they weren't already)...

11:39 a.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

All because of a donkey??? It's not like I use her to smuggle cocaine or plastic explosives.

11:44 a.m.  
Anonymous Liosliath said...

"Read the Velveteen Rabbit?" It's practically my bible.

...must start knitting new hat and saddle...

11:22 p.m.  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

The hat must have slots for her ears. In fact, will post a photo of her if I can Mr. Cat in Rabat to send me a digital photo. I am rather surprised by the interest she has generated.

9:09 a.m.  

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