Saturday, September 02, 2006

My Bra Is Loaded & I'm Not Afraid To Use It

I don't know if I should be bemused, peeved or concerned that Transport Canada thinks that I may be a security threat to the world. Perhaps they chanced upon my recent posting in which I unwittingly & successfully smuggled a weapon aboard a Royal Air Maroc flight - but I really don't think that I conform to any sort of terrorist profile.

So yes, in spite of the fact that I want our friendly skies to remain friendly, I do take exception to being hauled aside as I passed through the metal detector at Pierre Elliot Trudeau International Airport day before last. And yes, I know that I set the freaking thing off, but I always set the freaking thing off. In fact, I would hazard a guess and say that I have never not set the machine a-beeping. As did the forty or so people that I watched passing through the gate moments before me. Let me be precise: I don't take exception to the fact that I was asked to step aside; in fact, I had already assumed the crucifixion pose for Mr. Guard and his Magic Wand before he said anything, but when my belt buckle & the rivets on my jeans kept causing said Magic Wand to beep (I think they're made of something called 'metal') as well as the stays on my bra - things, in my mind, got a bit silly. He then instructed me to un-do my belt - which I normally don't like to do in front of a man unless dinner & a movie have preceded the unveiling - but he seemed satisfied (they all do) that nothing there was amiss.

Mr. Guard promptly called over Janice, a female security officer to have a nice little semi-invasive poke & prod on my person. She peered under my top and slipped her hands inside my jeans alongside my externally rivetted hips and confirmed that I was indeed not wearing explosive jeans or a combustible bra. My bullet bra was clearly unloaded. Not only did she confirm this but she did so while everyone watched on. Had this happened to my mother, I'm quite certain that she would have been mortified.

Now I know that bras are a little contentious these days: gel-filled bras rank #4 on the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority's no-no webpage (just after bottles of insulin greater than 148 ml) but at the risk of sounding a tad boastful, I have no need to pad my girls. I mean, digital cameras are allowed but gel-filled bras are verboten? O brave new world!

Mr. Guard courteously thanked Janice for invading my privacy for all to (uncomfortably) gawk at, and said nothing to me. A "thank you for your cooperation and patience" would have gone a long way (although admittedly not long enough) to unruffle my feathers. This whole episode made me rather happy (in a smug sort of way) that I had declined to voluntarily forfeit my new tube of lipgloss (like the 4 dozen or so women before me had) as we were winding our way through the security lines ... and yet, the plane did not explode. Go figure. Guess I'm not a terrorist after all.

p.s. And I'm not so naive to think that this little posting won't plant me firmly on a no-fly/watchlist. My jet-setting days (such as they were) are history.

12 Comments:

Blogger squindia said...

Does this mean you are back in Rabat?

unrelated: I bought a blender yesterday and had a great time mixin' up smoothies! Thought of you. What is your peanut butter smoothie recipe?

12:33 PM  
Blogger 4xLucky said...

I made the mistake of travelling in high heels - spikes actually (I was travelling for work - on the same plane as the boss). They set the thing off a million times over and I was forced to expose my
hole-y nylons to everyone.

Sorry to hear you're back in R!

Sarah

2:59 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Squindia: just got back! Recipe was plain fat-free yogurt, about 100 ml of soya milk (or milk), 2 bananas and a dollop of peanut butter. Yummmmmmmmm!

4XLucky: Mr Cat in Rabat has been forced to take his shoes off too although I don't think they were spikes. But I can bet that there were holes in his socks. I'm a bad wife!

7:01 PM  
Blogger squindia said...

excellent, thanks! I had made something similar sans yogurt and with nutella instead of pb. yum!

welcome home then. hope rabat treats you well this fall :)

8:29 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Hmmmmmm, a Nutella smoothie - THAT has possibilities!
How goes India?

9:04 PM  
Blogger squindia said...

yea the nutella smoothie is storming bangalore ;)

India is fabulous. you owe me a mail...

10:08 AM  
Blogger knarf said...

Remember the time I was joking with Mom at the Halifax airport because while saying goodbye to me she stepped over the "only passengers beyond this point" sign? The bee-otch at security, after giving me the evil eye, gave my camera equipment a thorough going-over, even going so far as to fire off a shot (wasting ~my~ film) to make sure it was a real camera, making me take each and every lens out of the bag, remove the front and back lenscaps so she could look through each lens to make certain that I had no explosives.

I guess what pissed me off is that I know she only did it because I was loudly joking with Mom, not because I or my equipment was any more of a threat than any other idiot on that flight.

What bothers me about airport security is the capricious and arbitrary nature of those frustrated rent-a-cops - guys and gals, don't forget, that essentially flunked out of police college...

2:41 PM  
Blogger woman wandering said...

I know what you mean ... I was felt up by Janice's sister worker in Singapore or Turkey or someplace else, and I have this theory that the men in the waiting lounge pay to see the girl feeling up the girl because not only was I a bit mortified about having 'Janice's' hands go where no mans hands had gone in front of an audience but I noticed a few blokes were shifting in their chairs ....

A nice little sideline income for the Janice's or the sidekicks of Janice ...

Bitter>
Hell no ... annoyed that they didn't make me turn on my laptop though, however we didn't explode either ... phew eh

5:41 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

I always pack cameras & notebooks now for that reason. The time it takes to boot the 'pooter or waste a shot of film is aggravating. But your right Knarf when you talk about the "capricious and arbitrary nature of those frustrated rent-a-cops". I can pass through the security gates of 3 different airports wearing the same thing (and I have) and received 3 different receptions.

My greatest fear, of course, is that Wandering Woman is right as well. What sort of world do we live in when men get their kicks watching women harrassed and groped in airport?

5:56 PM  
Anonymous Cath said...

Busted!

11:41 PM  
Blogger Cat in Rabat ( كات في الرباط) said...

Wow Cath - you were the first! Amazed no one beat you to it.

5:34 PM  
Blogger knarf said...

I wuz thinking it, but didn't want to be so crude.

Really.

Honest...

5:50 PM  

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